July 5, 2019

Jesus,

I am tired. Tired of thinking about things that weigh my mind down but that I never FULLY give to you. Tired of trying to do things on my own accord and on my time. I am tired of riding the fence. Tired of seeking validation from people and things of this world. Tired of half-hearteningly turning circumstances over to you but holding on to one or two things so I can still feel in control of my life somehow. Tired of trying to please people and especially tired of caring what they think about me. Tired of harboring emotions that are not good for my body and mind. I am tired of all the things that I cannot even type that only you know I am struggling with.

Today I am tired, but TODAY, I am turning it all over to you fully. I give you every negative emotion – anger, frustration, bitterness, resentment, jealously. Jesus I pray you take it out of every fiber of my being and when I feel these negative emotions rise back up I give them to you immediately. I give you every ounce of anxiety and depression. I believe that I cannot have a spirit of faith if I am constantly stuck in fear. Help me remember that you know my past, present and future and you work all things out for my good. I have nothing to fear, you are with me always and go before me. I give you every insecurity I deal with on a daily basis. Help me to see that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in your image. When thoughts of insecurity come up, take them out of my mind. Jesus, help me break the comparison trap. My life is unique and doesn’t need to be compared to others. I release infertility to you. I believe no doctor has the final say over my body and your will. Jesus, if it is your will for me to give birth to a child then I believe it will happen. If it is not your will, help me remember that my livelihood and purpose does not come from that alone. I submit my weight to you. This one if tough but God I know right now this is not your best for me. Please help me break this cycle. I only want good things in my body that are going to help me strive. I know my weight does not define who I am or my inner beauty, but Jesus I struggle daily and I am tired of this battle. I want to be healthy, active, and flourishing. When I am tempted with anything that will not allow me to be those things, give me the wisdom to see it and the courage to rebuke it in your name. I give you my financial situation. I know as long as I pay my tithes, you will work out the rest. Jesus take away my need to always spend. Help me save money for my future. I give you my relationship with Delane. I know you have huge plans for us and I pray we can submit to your will and hear you when you tell us where you want us to go. This relationship cannot work without you as the center and may we always know and believe that.

I am tired, but TODAY, I fully surrender all of these things to you. I am laying them at the cross and I refuse to pick them back up again. I know where you are taking me I cannot go if I am carrying the burdens of my past. Help me to remember that your promise for me is beyond anything I can see or believe. Give me wisdom and a sound mind to be able to see when the enemy is ready to attack. May I always be on guard to his wicked ways and dismiss them the moment I feel them. I will not be bound up by chains any longer. Guide me every single day.

Thank you for hanging on to me this long. You have never left me. The love I feel that only you can give surpasses it all. I cannot do this life without you. May you always leave the 99 to find the 1 in me. I love you and thank you for everything you have done for me thus far. Our relationship is only getting stronger and I feel you with me every second of the day. Please keep me sensitive to your spirit and voice. Help me quiet the noise and distractions that life can bring. I want to be still with you. I love you.

AMEN. ❤

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